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Am
I Pregnant?
Getting
Ready to Make the Decision
What are You Feeling?
Getting Support Deciding
What to Do Having
a Baby/Being a Parent Abortion
Adoption What
Can Hurt the Pregnancy? Spiritual
and Religious Concerns Healing
Work No
Matter What: Taking Care of Yourself |
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return to top If you are having a hard time with your decision, you may think you can never feel good about your choice. We have found that women who are willing to explore what they think and how they feel can come to a peaceful resolution. To get there, you must be willing to work at it. So, get out your crayons, sharpen your pencils, and do some "homework." It may be the most important homework you ever do. Remember to listen to your heart and your own voice to find the right answer for you. Trust yourself. One more thing-- We really want to include more women´s voices in this site. Your stories, quotes, and feedback will make the next edition of Pregnant? Need Help? Pregnancy Options Workbook even more valuable for women who are pregnant and need help. Click on Contact to send us your thoughts. Thank you and Good Luck! Peg Johnston, Editor
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to top Where To Get A Test: Check Out the Yellow Pages: Yellow Page Listings: How Pregnant Am I?: Some women are farther along than they think, so... If you don´t remember the date of your last period, or If your period was unusual--lighter or shorter than usual, or If your cycles are not regular, or If you have any doubt, GET AN EXAM OR AN ULTRASOUND (sonogram) to know how far along your pregnancy is. You may have lots of questions about your pregnancy
and how to decide what to do. The next section will help you figure out what you are feeling and what you want to do. But you may be asking, "What if the baby is not okay?" If so, click this link:
What can hurt the pregnancy? You might want to know " What does it look like?" For a description
of the stages of development of the fetus, click this link:
Fetal Development |
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to top Everyone who is facing a pregnancy must answer one basic question: IS THIS THE RIGHT TIME FOR ME TO BRING LIFE INTO THE WORLD THROUGH MY BODY?No decision is greater for a woman than this one. No responsibility is as important as raising a child. No activity takes more energy, more love, more patience, more of everything than having a child. No matter what you choose, there is sacrifice and pain. Here are some other questions to think about. This is the main question: If this is hard for you, give yourself credit for dealing with one of the biggest questions about life. This can be a very hard decision. Take your time. Go through each section one at a time. Make a safe place for yourself to think. Write your thoughts down as much as you can. Ask for help when you need it. Take full responsibility for your decision. Don´t let anyone else make it for you. Good luck! Giving Yourself Time to Think... Making Time to Think:
Now that you´ve got a time and place to go through this workbook, let´s get started. The next section deals with how you are feeling. Are you in shock?
Are you in shock?
Take this test: Understanding Shock return
to top
scared confused overwhelmed confident stupid uncertain
Where on your body are you feeling what you´re feeling? Emotions seem like they “sit” in a part of your body. Put your hand where you notice feelings. Some people feel it in their stomach, or around the heart, or they feel tension in the neck or head or jaw. Does it help to rub that area? Take slow, deep breaths? Feelings worksheet It helps to really explore your feelings.
Here are some questions and exercises to help you understand your feelings
about being pregnant. ANGER: SAD: SHAME: SCARED: HAPPY: return
to top Listening to Your Daughter Here are some warning signs of poor coping. They
are: If you see any of these signs, talk to her about the changes you are seeing. Talk to her about seeing a counselor. Don’t ignore these signs of serious depression. Call your local mental health agency, your doctor or clinic for a referral What makes coping harder? If any of these are true
for your daughter she may need more help:
If a parent won’t let her see him. Partners have a role to play in healing and supporting each other. If she can’t talk to him, she may feel loss of control, anger, loneliness, and sometimes depression. If she is in an emotionally or physically abusive situation. If her boyfriend or partner, or someone at home is abusing her, she needs a counselor or a program that can help her out of this situation If there has been a recent death. Women who have had an unresolved loss, such as a family member or friend, may feel an abortion loss or adoption loss even more. If she has chosen abortion and her religion says that abortion was morally wrong. If her religion says that abortion is wrong and she chooses it anyway, she may feel very guilty. Tell her you think she is still worthwhile and that you love her. If you feel you can, talk to her about forgiveness. (See spirituality and religion section.) If she blames someone else. Sometimes women blame their partner or parents for “making her decision for her.” These women may feel anger, depression, grief, or guilt for a long time. When she takes responsibility for her part in the experience, she will feel more in control. Ask her what her reasons were for allowing herself to go along with the decision. She may feel less like a victim if she acknowledges--and has-- some choice in the decision If the pregnancy was wanted. Women who wanted to continue a pregnancy but couldn’t due to an abnormality or other situation, may grieve the loss deeply. Let her know that you can understand why she would feel sad. Let her talk about it. Post abortion reactions: When women don’t have these situations in their lives, they usually cope very well after an abortion, just as they would after any other well thought-out decision. So, don’t be surprised if she seems fine. But when there are complicating factors, you may notice that she wants to talk about it over and over. Repetition can be a good thing, so be patient and listen again and again. But, if several weeks or months go by, or she expresses regret about her decision, please help her get some counseling. Postpartum reactions:
Depression during pregnancy or after a birth is not uncommon (Birth
and Parenting section) and lack of support from partner or family can
make that worse. If she is unable to take care of the baby or herself
or cope with the changes in her life, encourage her to talk to her doctor,
nurse midwife, or clinic counselor. Having a baby is a huge life change
and she may need to talk about what those changes mean to her. Resources return
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return
to top Asking for Help
Quotes from REAL WOMEN: Telling/ Not Telling Look at what you have checked. Is not telling them
better for you or better for them? Remember, this is a big event in
your life. If you need them, ask for their help. For more help in talking
to your parents go to www.MomDadIMpregnant.com.
QUOTES FROM REAL
WOMEN: Have you ever
been pregnant? What if.... Then What? Exercise Write your story here: |
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to top Guided “Day Dreams” Guided imageries, or visualizations are a way of using your imagination to understand feelings. It´s like a day dream with instructions. You can ask a friend to read this guided day dream to you. Or you can read it and then close your eyes and say it back to yourself by memory. Or record it into a tape and play it back to yourself. The words may help you form pictures in your mind or you may just get a sense of things. There is no right or wrong way to have this experience. Let yourself experience the feelings that come up. Listen to your inner wisdom. Take your time. This is a powerful tool to connect your "head" with your "heart." Find a place where you can be comfortable and where you won´t be interrupted or disturbed. Each guided day dream takes about 10-15 minutes. Some women create a special space with candles or low music in a favorite room. Some do this work in a warm bath. Some go outside and sit under the stars or the shade of a big tree. Think of the place you are most peaceful, and you will know where to go. To begin each visualization, find a relaxing position that supports your body-- lying down is good. Close your eyes and breathe deep and slow. Then begin. After you have practiced the guided day dream, you will know that you can create peace and relaxation any time you want to. Just notice your breathing, allow your body to relax, and in your mind´s eye, go to a place that is beautiful and peaceful and safe. Seeking Guidance About Your Decision For some women it is easy to come to a clear decision about what to do about a pregnancy. For others, the process of deciding can be difficult and confusing. In this guided day dream, you can seek guidance from your own inner wisdom or "inner voice." Begin by getting comfortable-- lie down if you can, or at least have your head supported. Breathe deep and slow. Allow your body to be supported and relax. return to top Seeking Guidance Imagine that you are surrounded by a beautiful light, soothing and safe. Notice your breathing-- in and out. As you breathe in, know that you breathe in everything you need to decide. As you breathe out, let go of anything you don´t need for this process. Notice how each breath helps you relax even more deeply. Bring your attention to your body as it rests comfortably and peacefully against the soft cushion beneath you. It is good to know that each sensation in your body helps you become even more relaxed and peaceful. Imagine a beautiful light surrounding your feet. It moves gently and gradually up and through your body and out the top of your head, leaving you feeling safe, centered, and feeling good. Take your time. That´s good. (pause) And now just notice your breathing, slow and deep. Allow yourself now to begin to imagine a place in nature. A very beautiful, warm, and wonderful place. It may be a familiar place, or a new place for you. Begin now to have a sense of this beautiful place in nature. Notice any sounds or smells surrounding you here. Notice what you see around you and how it feels to be here. Know that this is your own wonderful, special place. Take a moment now to allow the sensations of being in this beautiful place to fill your body with joy and peace. There is a pathway up ahead. You feel yourself becoming eager to explore it. You are excited because you have a sense that the path is calling you forward. You find yourself going toward it now and you can´t wait to go down the path, curious about the sights and sounds and experiences you might find along the way. Let yourself have a sense of how it feels to be on this pathway. What do you notice as you walk along? (Pause) That´s good. Just allow whatever may be there, or not there, to be perfect and right for this journey. Imagine that you are approaching a place where the path seems to split in two. As you come to this fork in the path you find yourself stopping, not sure which way to go. One path seems to be clear and wide, as though many people have gone this way. The other path is a bit more overgrown and seems to be less traveled. Both ways have a certain appeal to you. But, as you study them, suddenly you know exactly which one to go down. That´s right. Just let yourself know that whichever path you´ve chosen it is the perfect and right one for you now. Know what it feels like to be open to whatever experiences you may have. Let this safe and perfect path lead you. As you continue, you notice a light up ahead. It appears to be the glow of a campfire. As you approach the clearing there, you notice there is someone sitting at the fire waiting for you. As you get closer, you realize this is a person of great wisdom and knowing. It may be someone familiar, or perhaps someone you have never met before. You have a feeling of great comfort and well-being as you approach this wise soul. As you take a seat by the fire, you find yourself wanting to ask this person a question about the decision you are making about your pregnancy. You know you can ask whatever you want and this person will have the perfect and truthful answer for you. Let yourself connect with this wise being and begin to ask. Know that you have the courage and permission to ask whatever it is you need to know. (pause) Take a moment now to listen for the answer. (pause) That´s right. Just allow this answer to settle in as you reflect on what you are hearing and experiencing. Become aware of how it feels to trust yourself, and to have the freedom of opening your own heart and mind to a great wisdom. Take a moment to allow that wisdom to really fill you up. Notice what it feels like in your body, mind, and heart. Know that you can have this feeling any time you want, simply by remembering what it feels like now. And now, you have a sense that it is time to leave this place, knowing you can come back here any time you are seeking wisdom and guidance. Know that this special being will be here waiting for you with love and acceptance. As you begin to get up to leave, notice the wise person holding out a gift for you. As you take this gift you see that it is a box. Just get a sense of this box now. Of course, you open it up to see what´s inside. Feel what it´s like to see what is inside and what that means for you. Take this precious gift and place it in your heart. Take a moment to thank this incredible, wise soul for your precious gift. Know that this gift will be with you on your journey. Any time you doubt yourself or feel uncertain, it is easy to place your hand on your heart and remember this gift and the guidance you have received. As you leave the campfire and begin to go back down the path, you find that you have a great sense of freedom and well-being. You are almost floating down the path. Just let whatever feelings you are having carry you back to the place where you began. In a moment it will be time to open your eyes and be awake and present. But before you do, know that you will remember this journey. You will return feeling refreshed and energized. As you open your eyes, allow this energized, refreshing feeling to fill you with peace, confidence, and certainty. return to top> Having a baby/Being a parent “What should I do first if I want this baby?” Get medical care as soon as you think you might be pregnant. Ask friends who are recent mothers which doctors or midwives they liked. Or, look in the yellow pages of the phone book under “Physicians—Obstetricians” sometimes known as “OB-GYN.” You may also want to see a nurse midwife who can also deliver your baby. Or consult your hospital for a birth clinic. If you think you can´t afford to see a doctor, ask your county public assistance or Medicaid program about a special program for pregnant women. “What is a nurse-midwife?” They are nurses who are specially trained to deliver babies and give women care during their pregnancies. Midwives can give you lots of support during the pregnancy and during labor. They prefer more natural childbirth and less “high tech” monitoring and medication. Nurse-midwives work with doctors and can call one in if you need one. “Are there things I should or shouldn´t eat?” Yes! What you eat affects your baby, so eat well and take the vitamins your doctor prescribes. Especially in the first twelve weeks you need lots of folic acid, vitamin B12 and other minerals and vitamins to prevent certain birth defects. Generally, you want to eat good food-- fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables, lots of dairy foods, proteins, and whole grain foods. You want to stay away from “junk food” and fried or fatty foods that don´t give you much nutrition. Also, avoid or reduce caffeine in coffee, tea, or soda. “Do I have to quit smoking and drinking?” Yes, definitely. Stay away from alcohol and tobacco and street drugs. Quitting reduces the risk of still birth, SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), premature birth, small or sick babies, and some birth defects. Quit as soon as you know you are pregnant. Quitting anytime will help prevent problems for your baby but the sooner the better. (See “What can harm my baby?”) “Can I do it alone?” This is one of the most important questions to ask yourself. Will I have support in raising a child? What about the baby´s father, your or his family, friends? It is very difficult to do this alone. And remember, support comes in many forms-- financial, emotional, physical, social. Do the exercises in the next section to see how much support you can count on. “What kind of financial support is available from welfare/social services?” There are programs like PCAP and Medicaid that might help with medical costs. Your county social services department may be able to help with very basic living expenses. But, the laws are changing for teenagers living at home. Mothers with children under 6 are now being expected to work. The father of the baby will also be expected to provide financial support. Call your local office and ask about possible benefits. WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) can help with nutritious food during pregnancy and up to age 5 for your child. There may be other forms of assistance in your community. Private agencies like Family and Children´s Society, Catholic Social Services, Women´s Centers, Pregnancy Centers, and other groups may be able to help. “Can I make it through labor?” The average length of labor for a first time mother is between 12 and 24 hours. It is understandable to fear labor. But, fear of labor should not be the most important factor in your decision to have a child. There are many choices in delivering a baby. Natural childbirth is having a baby without any pain medications. Or, your doctor may offer some pain medications. Or you can have complete pain relief with an “epidural anesthesia” where you are numb from the waist down. Talk these over with your doctor or midwife. “What is labor like? Can you describe it?” It´s different for all women. Each step may take more time or less time. Each women has a different pain tolerance. Most labor is “do-able.” At first, the contractions are not so bad and you can smile. The next stage is like having a bad headache ”you can still function but it´s hard. Then you reach what they call “transition” where it is very difficult and you may not think you can do it. It´s like swimming in a rough ocean with waves hitting you one after another. This generally lasts about two hours. Then you feel an urge to push, and this part is better because you feel like you can work with your body. When the baby´s head starts to “crown” or come out you may start to feel overwhelmed by the stretching, pushing, and burning feelings. But this only lasts 10 minutes or so, and then the baby comes out. Contractions work by pulling up on the cervix to open it wide and by pushing down on the baby to push it out. The cervix has to open 10 centimeters (about 4 1/2 inches). The first part of this opening process, up to 5 centimeters, takes a longer time and is easier than the last half. The last part of the dilation happens quickly, usually in about 2 hours. “What is it like being a mother?” Parenthood is hard work but it has many rewards-- your baby´s first smile, holding a small hand in yours, the love you see in your baby´s face when you walk in the room. You will have a huge influence on your baby, and your baby will have a huge influence on you. What most new parents report is that they are exhausted and tired all the time. There will be sleepless nights and you will provide 24 hour care when necessary. You must consider the baby´s needs above your own. It´s important to be able to give nurturing love and to handle your own anger. Sometimes a baby or a child can be difficult, making you feel frustrated and angry. You have to know how to control your reactions. You will definitely have less freedom in your life for a number of years. Many young mothers feel isolated and neglected. Others find great fulfillment in caring for their baby. Either way, asking for support is a good idea. Babies won´t always be babies. Within a year, your baby will be walking around. In five years, he or she will be in school. In ten years, he or she will almost be a teenager! “Will I be depressed after giving birth?” It is completely normal to have the “baby blues” in the week or so after delivery. 80-90% of all women find that they cry a lot and feel moody during the first week. About 10-20% of all women also have “post partum depression” which makes them feel sad or want to cry. This can last for several weeks or up to a year or more. Remember, you and your body have gone through a lot. And during the first month you are getting used to being tired all the time, feeding the baby 12 times a day, and hormonal changes. If the depression doesn´t go away after a week or two, talk to your doctor or midwife. Usually support, lifestyle changes, and counseling help. Sometimes some medicine, or rarely, hospitalization are needed. Also see: Exploring Your Feelings Afterwards Having a baby/Being a parent exercises: return
to top Live with us? Get up in the middle of
the night? Change diapers? My mother? My father? Provide baby-sitting? everyday? weekends? once in a while? Buy
things for the baby? Baby´s father´s family? Provide baby-sitting? everyday? weekends? once in a while? Buy
things for the baby? My brother or sister (name _________)? Provide baby-sitting? everyday? weekends? once in a while? Buy
things for the baby? My friend (name ___________)? Provide baby-sitting? everyday? weekends? once in a while? Buy
things for the baby? Other relatives (name ___________)? Provide baby-sitting? everyday? weekends? once in a while? Buy
things for the baby? (Check out this information with the people involved.) return
to top Comments from women about birth
and raising a child: return
to top |
return
to top “What is an abortion?” An abortion is the removal of a pregnancy from your body. A miscarriage is called a "spontaneous abortion," meaning your body removes the pregnancy on its own. “I could never have an
abortion!” “Is abortion safe?” “Is it legal?” “How is it done?” Early in a pregnancy, a "medical abortion"
("with medicine" as opposed to a "surgical abortion"
might be available where you live. Two different medications are used
-- mifepristone or misoprostol. The first one stops the pregnancy from
growing and the second helps your body pass the pregnancy. The symptoms
are just like a miscarriage. It takes several days and you might have
a lot of bleeding, clots, and cramps. There is a complete workbook "Abortion:
Which Method is Right for Me?" accessible at the top of this page. 89% of all abortions are done in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Almost all of these use the more common suction method. “Will it hurt?” “Does the baby feel pain?” “Can I do it myself?” “How much does it cost?”
“How do I find a doctor?” “I think abortion is
my choice, but I am heartsick over this.” “Is it murder?”
“Am I a bad person for
choosing abortion?” Do you think of yourself as a selfish person? What is the difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself? What does your conscience say to you about abortion? Can abortion be moral? What good can come out of having an abortion? “How will I feel afterwards?” If you have an abortion will you feel guilty?
sad? happy/relieved?
angry? ashamed?
What would it be like to pray to God and truly listen to what God has to tell you? If you have trouble hearing God´s guidance, you may want to talk with a religious person who respects that you have to make your own decision.
If you have ever done something you thought was wrong in the past, how have you made up for it? For more help, do the Guided Day Dream on Loss or the writing exercise.
Will I regret an abortion? Self
test.
What do I want to know before I go?
How do I want to feel on the day
of the abortion?
About pain... Try to answer the following questions: |